TRUMP THE TERRIBLE

Welcome to the Coronavirus Club!!! Politico, the most read liberal news outlet on the internet, has at the top of its page an illustration that shows the hot spots where the pandemic is hitting the hardest in the United States. As displayed by a map, Brownsville and the Rio Grande have qualified for this list. We didn't know we were walking on thin ice. Our mainstream media is more committed to ribbon-cutting stories than hard news. According to the latest count, Cameron County has soared over 150 cases with several deaths, the majority related to a Harlingen nursing home where an employee and patients passed. "Brownsville and Cameron County never achieve any positive coverage," said an ex-columnist for The Brownsville Herald. "We are know for poverty. We are known for ignorance. We are known for corruption. You cross the river to drug-infested Matamoros or Reynosa and the small towns that exist between the two major cities and you are entering a blood-soaked region ...

Dr. Polyphemous Pangloss calls Scott Steinbeck, the managing editor of The Murphy Report: Doctor: We will pass 200 cases in Cameron County by early next week. Coronavirus is assailing Houston. We don't have any idea to the extent of the disease in Matamoros. Why is there any reason to reopen the schools? In the most perfect of scenarios we are going to have the virus through May. Steinbeck: The BISD should end classes until August. We must return to normalcy before we can even think of returning to classes. You remember the show The Munsters? Even those freaks would be so frightened of COVID that they wouldn't send their children to school. Doctor: It's all a sham. The superintendent is trying to give the community the false impression that instruction is taking place with this distance learning, but for the kids it's out-of-sight, out-of-mind. They dumped their binders in the trash weeks ago. The superintendent wants to have a turf war with the mayor. He says that the ...

I have stood in the middle of Gateway Bridge, called the New Bridge in Brownsville even though it was constructed decades ago, and looked down into the roiling, brown waters of the Rio Grande on the tail end of its 2000-mile trip from its crystalline source in Colorado. I have added to the poisonous and polluted waters by vomiting over the rail after many nights of partying in days of yore in Matamoros.  (Those days are over, not only because I am an elderly gentleman in COVID's crosshairs, but the cartels' drug trade and accompanying violence have undermined Brownsville citizens' confidence in their safety venturing across the river.)   Is there a river that has claimed and still claims more lives than the Rio Bravo as the Mexicans call it? In 1520 the conquistador Diego de Camargo and his crew sailed west from the mouth of the river emptying into the Gulf of Mexico. They had to flee for their lives when a Coahuiltecan tribe ambushed them. The Spanish lost many men and a...

Today is Easter Sunday. I fixed bacon and eggs for Olivia and myself. We were going to sit on the back patio, but the morning sun was in a pitiless mood and we retreated to the air-conditioning. While much is touted about Jesus Christ's resurrection and his victory over death, one of the least known accomplishments in the pantheon of supernatural feats was God's creation on the eighth day. The Garden of Eden, located in the Middle East, can get damn hot and God, despite his terrible temper, was a practical thinker. He blessed humanity by inventing air-conditioning. I think of God as the first Thomas Edison for lack of a better comparison. South Texas is grateful for his extra effort on our behalf. It is early afternoon and my step-son Lorca is sleeping. He delivers food and works well into the night. He says he is wearing gloves and a mask, but I don't know. I don't inspect him as he comes and goes. He could prove the chink in our armor. Mick played video games all nigh...

There are hundreds of stories like the following tragedy as the death toll climbs toward 25,000 and the number of Coronavirus cases nears 600,000, both stats the highest in the world with few signs that these numbers won't double, probably triple, perhaps quadruple before the Grim Reaper has collected his quota of corpses in his pursuit of death. The BISD as well as the other Brownsville charter and private schools know that the threat of this pandemic won't cease until, at best, this summer. Does the press need to document cases locally like the heart-rending article that The Murphy Report features? The school year is over. There may be minutes ticking on the clock, but the result is a foregone conclusion. We are well into the fourth quarter. There will be no comeback. We need to be safe and not sorry. This is no time for rash decisions when lives are at stake. Would the school district's trustees or the administrators for the charter and private schools sleep well at nigh...

"Why are you on the road, sir?" I'm going to McAllen because I read on Facebook that one of the HEBs has toilet paper. "Why are you on the road, sir?" I'm going to South Padre Island because my hour glass ran out of sand. "Why are you on the road, sir?" I'm going to Matamoros to buy Viagra because I'm stuck at home with my wife and she wants to fuck three times a day. "Why are you on the road, sir?" I'm going to Los Fresnos to collect manure at the rodeo arena so I can fertilize the flowers I planted. "Why are you on the road, sir?" I'm going to San Benito to lay a wreath at Freddy Fender's grave because it's the anniversary of his death. "Why are you on the road, sir?" I'm going to Mercedes to purchase clothes for my kids because the outlets have end-of-the-school-year specials. "Why are you on the road, sir?" I'm going to Harlingen because the gringos can tell the Mexican-Ame...

"We owe Machado and Murphy a debt of gratitude," said Tony Gray, ex-State Rep Rene Oliveira's longtime legislative aide. "Jose and Doc, great writers with finely tuned senses of humor, not only entertain us; they inform us with their blogs El Puro Pedo and The Murphy Report. While they have no problems throwing chingasos, they can also take your best shots. "Their critics, and there are many, want to say that the two are drug addicts, alcoholics and womanizers, but if the truth be told, they are regular guys, the kind of batos that I have called my friends and with whom I've proudly associated. "They imbibe deep from life, but they love their families, they talk politics, they know sports and they stand on their own merits. They are not opposed to buying 'just' one more round. While they are the best journalists in South Texas, their writing extends to fiction and poetry. "Brownsville is lucky to have this one-two punch. We have a newspaper...