9

Dr. Polyphemous Pangloss calls Scott Steinbeck, the managing editor of The Murphy Report:

Doctor: We will pass 200 cases in Cameron County by early next week. Coronavirus is assailing Houston. We don't have any idea to the extent of the disease in Matamoros. Why is there any reason to reopen the schools? In the most perfect of scenarios we are going to have the virus through May.

Steinbeck: The BISD should end classes until August. We must return to normalcy before we can even think of returning to classes. You remember the show The Munsters? Even those freaks would be so frightened of Covid that they wouldn't send their children to school.

Doctor: It's all a sham. The superintendent is trying to give the community the false impression that instruction is taking place with this distance learning, but for the kids it's out-of-sight, out-of-mind. They dumped their binders in the trash weeks ago. The superintendent wants to have a turf war with the mayor. He says that the mayor has no right to shut down the campuses in order to prevent the spread of the pandemic. We're not interested in the size of the superintendent's cojones. He seems more interested in having a pissing contest with the mayor over jurisdiction. Wouldn't it be wonderful if all our BISD employees and students escaped death!?!? We don't want an "A" for effort. We want an "A" for results. 

Steinbeck: At the earliest classes will resume May 4th. What's the point of conducting classes for three weeks with Coronavirus spreading? Is the superintendent thinking like Trump and putting homework ahead of health? Does he resent that BISD employees are receiving checks without him cracking the whip? They ran him out of McAllen for a reason. He needs to stop the insanity and think rationally. End the school year before he discovers, like Trump, that he has blood on his hands. 

Doctor: If the superintendent is intent on educators earning their pay checks, he should expand the professional development programs and allow teachers to become certified in several areas via online courses. He isn't leading by example. Too many BISD employees are at risk. He wants to maintain this charade of a functioning and productive school system when the opposite is true. 

Steinbeck: I don't know the superintendent's motivations. He's not a Brownsville person. He's from next door Hidalgo County. His heart is not in our community. If the superintendent isn't going to do the right thing, then it's time the school board stepped forward and assured the BISD family that they need only preoccupy themselves with staying healthy and listening to the mayor and other public officials who are doing their best to make the right call. Fuck this distance learning bullshit! We need to keep our distance! Maybe the superintendent feels he can escape home to Hidalgo and wash his hands like Pontius Pilate, but there's no where our trustees can flee if they have blood on their hands. 

Doctor: How's the wife? 

Steinbeck: Horny as hell. I need to buy Viagra. Is the little blue pill considered an essential item? 

Doctor: I don't know, but you should do what I do. I watch pornography before I bone the old lady.

Steinback: Do you watch anything in particular? 

Doctor: Creampies are the ticket. 

Steinback: What are creampies? 

Doctor: When a man is pulling his cock out of a chick's cunt as he is ejaculating and the sperm is pouring out of her and running down the crack of her ass, that's a creampie.

Steinbeck: Does she watch the porn with you? 

Doctor: Most the time. It gets her hot. Probably brings back memories.

Steinbeck: How do you access these performances? 

Doctor: Just type in creampies on your computer and you will have a hundred choices from which to select. It's a different world. Got to go. 

Steinbeck: Thanks for the tip. Talk to you soon.

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