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God has been the victim of fake news. The Bible is nothing but a hoax. There is nothing holy about this book. For those who read The New York Times and The Washington Post, I'm sure they will claim that God was a mass murderer and a rapist.

If God is guilty of anything, I absolve him. Like the Democrats assailing me for every act that I have done to make America great again, God has been the victim of evil men who have used him to promote their demonic agenda.
They waste no time in undermining God's reputation by arguing that he inspired Abel's murder by Cain because he rejected the latter's sacrifice. They say that I'm a sore loser. I can assure you that there was never a sorer loser than Cain.
I don't understand the reason that Genesis is the first book. It is nothing but death, which should be the ending of a story. Whoever concocted this cornucopia of crap asserted that God killed 20,000,000 in the Great Flood for doubting him and 2000 in Sodom and Gomorrah for performing sex acts that I am sure would excite my butler Rudy.
By killing their husbands in Sodom and Gomorrah, God is not responsible for Lot's daughters wanting to have sex with their father. They were endowed with a free will and they were the ones who decided to intoxicate the old man and sleep with him. Old and drunk, I'm surprised he could summon a boner two nights in a row.
In Exodus they say that the Jews observe Passover every year because it was God who brought his fury upon the Egyptians and led them to the Promised Land. Between plagues, the death of the first born in every Egyptian family commemorated by Passover and the slaughter of the Egyptian army, the "experts" point the finger at God and hold him responsible for a million deaths.
From Leviticus through Numbers, Deuteronomy, Joshua, Judges, Samuel I & II, Kings I & II and Chronicles I & II (And they say I don't know this book of a thousand lies), these fictional writers aver that God was the culprit for millions of deaths, precipitated millions more and turned his head to thousands of rapes.
You would think these imposters would have exhausted their mendacious talents in the Old Testament, but these losers couldn't refrain from adding an exclamation point in the New Testament. I can only imagine the wickedness of these cowards who hide behind their words because their descendants have hounded me all of my days.
In the writings of the apostles, these backstabbers insinuate that God snuck into the room of a 14-year-old virgin, raped her, impregnated her and then refused to marry her. Nobody loves his children more than I do and I'm sure that God did not commit this egregious offense.
(I am only into consenting adults. If they don't want to reciprocate when I grab their pussies, I am a gentleman and I recognize my limits.)
I blame Joseph who played the victim. Since Jesus was not God's son, then our Savior wasn't a bastard. Jesus, a blessed visionary, was one of the many brothers and sisters born to Joseph and Mary.
Never content, these propagandists, whom Adolf Hitler should have hired if he had wanted to conquer the world, propagated the prevarication that King Herod, under God's spell and fearful that there might be a future king in his midst who would threaten his crown in the future, commanded his soldiers to kill every male child two years and less in Jerusalem and the surrounding countryside in hopes that he might eliminate Christ.
I can only imagine the torture that God has endured for centuries with his glorious name dragged through the dust. I have endured the same harsh treatment for four years and it has been a trying experience. I, therefore, pardon God of all reported crimes. I have no confidence that Joe Biden shares the same Christian values that I cherish, but I have no doubts that God will embrace me when I step through the pearly gates into heaven.

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