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Dr. Thomas Steven Murphy-Sullivan, the founder and publisher of The Murphy Report, has been designated the recipient of this year's Gringo de Mayo award. The famed writer edged out long-time politico Ralph "El Grito" Cowen.

Dr. Murphy-Sullivan, who arrived on the border in 1975, was cited for his many contributions to education, athletics, journalism, culture, politics and the community.

Joe Kenney, the owner of Cobbleheads and the third-place finisher in the competition, expressed a bitterness about Dr. Murphy-Sullivan's selection.

"You're kidding!?!?" exclaimed Kenney. "That Irish Prick won!?!? He's fuckin' Black Irish. He ain't got no respect for nobody. He does nothing but throw gas on fires. He once wanted me to hire him as a bartender at my establishment. 'Are you fuckin' crazy!?!?' I told him. 'You would cost me my business.' Tell me this isn't true! Tell me this is something he made up on his worthless blog."

Brock Benson, the founder of Mexican Fest and a fourth-place finisher, echoed Kenney's thoughts.

"He has done all he can to malign the Beard Posse during Charro Days," spat Benson. "He calls us racists. He calls us a secret cell of the KKK. He describes us as Texas Rangers who want to hang Mexicans from mesquites. He says that we're nothing but puppets of Donald Trump and that the President has given us the responsibility to rid the border of the asylum seekers. He calls us Neo-Nazis. He calls us Radical Republicans. He calls us every name in the book and singles out our most distinguished members for vicious personal attacks."

Phil Du Pont, the millionaire developer and fifth-place qualifier, shook his head in disdain.

"Ridiculous," he uttered with nothing but contempt in his voice. "First of all, he isn't a damn doctor. He's a drunk. He's a pot head. He's been married to half the women of Brownsville and popped the cherries of the other half. Can you believe that the BISD employed him for 39 years? That is a sad statement about our school district."

City Commission Ben Neece, who would have placed high if he hadn't been born half-Mexican, urged the sour-grape losers to curb their outbursts.

"Everyone knows that Tommy isn't perfect," offered the city commissioner as he swished the wine in the bottom of his glass at The Library. "As Everyman he has many admirers. His imperfections are appreciated because he epitomizes all our imperfections. Yet, he doesn't allow his weaknesses to undermine his strengths and he continues to fight the good fight. He has been in the vanguard of many successful crusades during the last four decades. He has paid his dues. He more than deserves the award. I'm working on a proclamation that I plan to present to him in the City Chambers."

"I am humbled," said Dr. Murphy-Sullivan from the historic offices of The Murphy Report in downtown Brownsville. "I've never concerned myself with awards or honors. I'm not an egotistical person. I am a competitive individual. To the winners go the spoils. I will continue to do what I have been doing for 45 years until the something that I am becomes a nothing that I ain't."  

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