232

The Democratic Party, led by presidential nominee Joe Biden, Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer and Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, assisted by Cameron County Democratic leaders State Senator Eddie Lucio, Texas Democratic Chairperson Gilbert Hinojosa and Cameron County Judge Eddie Treviño, transferred President Donald Trump from Walter Reed Medical Center to Brownsville's Valley Baptist Medical Center late last night in order to save his life.

"The Republicans want him eliminated because they know that he is politically dead and that he is going to lose to Biden in a landslide," said Justo Leyes, one of The Murphy's Report's legal experts. "That is the reason he is only receiving the five-day rather than the ten-day treatment of Remdesiver. They want to give the impression that the party as a whole is doing everything they can in order to save his life when they are doing everything they can do to end his life.

"They want to replace both him and Vice President Mike Pence with Mitt Romney and former South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley," continued Leyes. "Since Romney has run a presidential campaign, he can hit the campaign trail running. He holds an appeal with independent voters because he has put Trump in his place on several occasions. Haley, who has been cast by many as the future of the party, has a connection with suburban women, a block that Trump has lost with his crude remarks and sexual misconduct."

Trump is under the care of Dr. Polyphemous Pangloss. One of Brownsville's best, he is heading a team that includes Dr. Lorenzo Pelly and Dr. Romeo Montalvo. Dr. Pangloss said that he has recruited Dr. Montalvo, a pediatrician, because Trump is a spoiled child at heart and Dr. Pangloss feels he needs someone with Dr. Montalvo's experience and expertise to deal with Trump's tantrums. In an unusual move, Dr. Pangloss has added veterinarian Dr. Sherri Wooding to his staff in case the president reverts to his rabid dog behavior.

"Upon his arrival, we moved him to the Yturria Suite," reported Dr. Pangloss in an early morning news conference that The Brownsville Herald skipped. "He was in a deteriorating state and we had to stabilize him. His temperature was 102 and the oxygen level in his blood was in the mid-eighties. His lips were blue and a stream of diarrhea was literally pouring from him. Since Dr. Wooding is only a veterinarian, I ordered her to wipe Trump's ass. Once the stink had subsided, I inserted a nasal cannula, a lightweight tube that delivers oxygen through two prongs under the nose. To keep him hydrated, we connected him to an IV."

Besides the Remdesivir, Dr. Pangloss has put together a cocktail that includes Vitamin C and D, zinc, melatonin, elderberry, CBD, medicinal mushrooms, aspirin, Pepcid, astragalus, selenium, garlic, andrographis, licorice, curcumin, echinacea and propolis. Dr. Pangloss, who has studied the positive effects of herbs under the direction of Dr. Anthony Zavaleta for decades, says he has left every option on the table. If worse comes to worse, the physician has stated that a combination of hydroxychloroquine, hydrogen peroxide and clorox cannot be discounted.

"I can say with complete confidence and honesty that the president is doing better," concluded Dr. Pangloss. He did note that the president was incoherent. "He kept asking if I had my choice of his daughter Ivanka, Hope Hicks, Kayleigh Mcanany, Kellyanne Conway and Sarah Huckabee, which one would I fuck? I told him that he could cross Conway and Huckabee off the list. He gave me a thumbs up. I took that as the first sign that we may be on the road to recovery." 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

6

L ike a hound pointing to its game, the Spring Breaker followed his boner to his condo with the blond co-ed in tow. She had stepped up to the beer bong thrice and could barely walk. He led her into his room and stripped her of her thong as if he were peeling a banana. He was soon straddling her when he stopped an inch short of entering her shaved pussy. "I must confess something," he said. "What?" she slurred. "I have tested positive for HIV." "Have you tested positive for Coronavirus?" she asked. "No." "Then let's fuck, cowboy!!!" 
Read more

5

I was standing at the bar at Cobbleheads when I saw owner Joe Kenney walking past. I grabbed him by the bicep. "Pretty flabby for a guy from Phillly," I said. "Fuck you, Sully," snapped Joe before continuing with that goofy accent. "What do you want?" "I didn't get a chance to wish you Happy St. Patrick's Day! I'd pinch you on the butt since you're not wearing green, but you have a lousy lookin' ass. Let's toast the San Patricio Battalion." "A bunch of filthy traitors," spat Joe. "General Scott should have hung all the bastards instead of branding the majority of them." "You were in the Herald saying that Mexico and the United States had special ties as a result of these Irishmen switching sides in a war that Abraham Lincoln criticized as imperialism run amok." "It's all about business," confessed Joe. "I can't express my true sentiments about those Benedict Arnolds. I h...
Read more

1

My patio faces east. In the early afternoon the sun has embarked on its ancient descent toward the west and I relax on my lawn chair in the shade. I breathe deeply. My lungs are clear. Coronavirus has me contemplating life from a variety of angles. I am led to believe that those who suffer death from the disease suffocate. That doesn't sound like a pleasant exit to me. As a result of this grim reality, I have quit smoking dope. I don't want to weaken my lungs any more than 55 years of puffing on joints has wreaked on them. I have been retired for three years from the BISD after the superintendent threatened to fire me if I kept writing. I chose to keep writing. It is my spiritual calling. I had contributed 39 years to the school district and I was working for free. Retirement was a logical option. I don't miss the job, but I do miss my students, athletes and colleagues. I liken my present existence to floating down a lazy Hill Country river in an inner tube. Little did I kn...
Read more