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I met Dr. Polyphemous Pangloss for breakfast Sunday morning at The Toddle Inn. He has been my personal physician for years. He is a few years older than me. I don't know what I will do when he's no longer available. He has been my rock during health crises. He is a man who loves medicine and has more faith in science than he has in God. He has no faith in Trump, but that is a belief shared by millions.

Me: Do you remember when I told you that I conceived of COVID as a dictator who would send his goons to arrest anyone he considered a political foe and that these blackguards would break down your door and drag you away in the middle of the night never to be heard again?

Dr. P:You were quite descriptive and categorical in your paranoia. You have every right to live in fear. Both you and I have had several close acquaintances who have passed away due to Coronavirus. We are at 200,000 dead right now and yesterday I heard that we could reach 400,000 by the end of the year. Imagining that figure is beyond the pale. As they say--even the Republicans--the pandemic is a secret killer that can snare you at any moment. It is so contagious that it's like having safe sex only to discover that despite all your precautions you have been diagnosed with HIV.

Me: I am more fearful than ever because we are operating with a false sense of security. The president defies all the recommendations to contain the virus and every where I look I see ignorant people following his example. Don't they understand that by refusing to wear masks, social distance and avoid crowds that they could pass the virus to a family member that would lead to the latter's death?

Dr. P: Ever since we elected Trump, I have concluded that we have millions of stupid Americans in this country. Their ignorance exceeds comprehension. They have opted to follow Trump who is blinded by his own ambition and has no idea the direction that he is going even though he is headed for a bottomless abyss with millions deluded into following him over the edge and into the depthless depths.

Me: I mentioned that I feared my door would come crashing down and I would be carted away to a hospital/prison where no one exits with his life. I feel that my body houses a thousand doors through which COVID can sneak into my system at any second. I live like a prisoner waiting to hear that he has been condemned to death. This pending doom has given new meaning to living one day at a time. I awake in the morning and take a deep breath. If I don't hear any rattling in my chest or my head doesn't feel like it's going to explode, I can anticipate that I will have a tranquil day pursuing my different callings. But I don't take anything for granted; I'm more than an open book with a thousand doors on every page. 

Dr. P: Don't let fear paralyze you.

Me: It's bad enough turning 70 in December knowing that my life is emptying into the bottom half of the hour glass in record time and death in its inevitable approach is extending an ever-growing darkness over me, but I've never felt more vulnerable that my existence is at risk with COVID patiently waiting in the shadows for me to make the wrong move and pouncing with ferocity. Even though I live a quiet life, I've never amused myself more than at this moment. I relish the simple pleasures of shopping at HEB and checking out the chicks before I go to the wine section and select a $20 bottle that will culminate my day.

Dr. P: You're achieving a Zen mind. Between growing old and your growing paranoia, you have found peace, but you have to stay in the moment. As long as you stay in the moment, your spirit will never perish.

Me: Those are beautiful words, Polyphemous, but it's all philosophical and spiritual bullshit. There is only consciousness that ends with our last breath. I want to stay alive. An old man can have lots of fun and I'm not done playing.