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Donald Trump discovered that karma, besides Melania, is a bitch. Responsible for the deaths of more than 170,000 Americans due to COVID as a result of his incompetency, Trump lost his younger brother Robert Saturday night. It would have been poetic justice if the cause of death had been Coronavirus, but it wasn't.

"We have a God who has exacted punishments from humanity when they have transgressed beyond the bounds of forgiveness," said the defrocked priest Father Jesus P. Cadissimo. "There has never been a more heinous president than Trump. Before he is cast into the fiery pit of hell, he is going to have to pay a price for his transgressions in this life. God has started collecting and Trump's brother is the first payment on a very expensive bill."

Trump, a man who hides his sorrow well, turns to twitter to express his agony. He is disappointed with Fox News, his "official" propaganda machine, for not substantiating the same bold-faced lies he promotes in his every encounter with the public. Refusing to refute the accusations that Kamala Harris cannot run for vice president because she was allegedly born in another nation, he is railing that she is part of a conspiracy to make it impossible for Americans to eat red meat.

But there is the next shot, which forces him to put his cell in his pocket as he improves his approach to the green by moving the ball out of the rough and into the middle of the fairway. Nobody seems to notice that he is cheating. 

"I'm not hitting the ball cleanly today," said Trump from one of his courses on a Sunday summer afternoon. "I'm slicing all my drives and I can't read the greens. I'm five-over when I'm par through the first ten. Maybe it's my brother's death. I don't know. I saw him yesterday and we had a pleasant chat. I told him I would like to spend the night and keep him company, but I had a noon tee time and I needed a good night's sleep if I expected to play well. I was sorry to hear that he passed away later in the day. Very sad. Very sad.

"It's not my day. It seems the sand traps have a magnetic pull on my balls. If I could order the breeze to stop blowing, I would, but I can't. I have tremendous powers that I use wisely in keeping us the greatest country in history, but the legislature branch refuses to grant me the powers to control the weather. It's the Democratic Party's recklessness. There would be no global warming if they would give me the meteorological mandates, but they won't concede me those powers."

Asked if he would be attending his brother's funeral, he replied, "I don't think there is anyone in the world I loved more than Robert. He was my best friend, but I'm going to have to take a rain check on this one. I'll be campaigning throughout this great country of ours talking about our many fantastic accomplishments for which the media refuses to give us credit.

"It's the same old crap with those bastards: Coronavirus deaths? The disastrous economy? Starving mothers and children? Civil unrest? Why don't I get credit for the historic accord I helped foster between Israel and the United Arab Emirates? It's one of the most outstanding achievements in modern times. There should be bands marching and fireworks exploding, but there is nothing, nothing. I don't understand it. 

"As to the funeral, I would love to be sitting in the front row of the church with Ivanka rubbing her hips against mine and showing a little cleavage as she so often does to stay in my good graces, but I'm like a professional athlete with a job to do. Many stars have lost loved ones during their seasons, but they continue to play rather than attend the services because that would have been their departed loved ones' wishes.

"Robert would have wanted me on the trail rather than trailing after his casket. I gave him a few tips about dying when I saw him and he thanked me for the advice. There are many things that I do quietly for which I don't receive any praise. It's nice when you're recognized for making a difference and I know that I have made a big difference in our country. As to my brother, don't worry about Robert, or Bobby as I called him. He's doing fine. He's going to be alright. I would say that he's in a better place, except there is no better place than our United States of America."

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