172

President Donald Trump has decided to expand his contacts with the American people beyond Twitter and Fox News to also include The Murphy Report.

"I was talking to former Cameron County Judge and ex-Ambassador to Mexico Tony Garza and asked him for advice in my endeavor to better communicate my commitment to both the safety and economics on the border," said the President in a wide-ranging interview with Fox.

"He told me that the mainstream press is out of touch with el pueblo--those are Tony's words, not mine--and that I should communicate with the bloggers. He mentioned El Puro Pedo's Jose Machado and The Murphy Report's Dr. T.S. Murphy-Sullivan as my best contacts. He added that Machado was the most read internet site in the Rio Grande Valley while Dr. Murphy-Sullivan occupied the position of 'the granddaddy of the bloggers' as philanthropist and Texas A&M Regent Mike Hernandez described him.

"I called Mr. Machado and he told me to go fuck myself. I responded that he was a victim of the fake press that distorts my views. Mr. Machado has drunk the Kool-Aid and after calling me 'pinche gringo, gabacho, puto' and a string of other unflattering epithets, I hung up. Only Kelly Ann Conway can talk to me that tone. She's a real cunt. With that horse's face, I would never fuck, but I keep her in the stable. She as an innate ability to fuck the American people with her double-talk.

"I reached Dr. Murphy-Sullivan and it was obvious to me that he was drinking something other than Kool-Aid. Dr. Murphy-Sullivan is a fine gentleman who has made a huge contribution to his community in Tony's esteemed estimation whom I'm grooming to become Ambassador to the United Nations if I win reelection.

"Dr. Murphy-Sullivan  confessed that he had voted for Hillary out of fear the Republican Right wants to control women's vaginas, but he was willing to work with me after I told him that I shared his concerns about women's vaginas. I reassured him that nobody knows more about vaginas that I do.

"I further explained that I needed a platform that would allow me to speak directly to the people of South Texas. Dr. Murphy-Sullivan said he was at my service. He explained that in spite of political differences, he respected the office of the Presidency and that The Murphy Report was an advocate of free speech even if this publication did not hold the same opinion as the contributor.

"I'm happy to report that he and Karl Rove, my Texas chief strategist, are going to resolve the details. With the corruption, poverty and ignorance, Brownsville and the Rio Grande Valley are a sad place. It may not be Chicago, but with the chaos and violence in Mexico, it isn't much better. I am going to make a difference. Adios."

Scott Steinbeck, managing editor for The Murphy Report, issued this statement: "He is our President. We are an open forum where anyone can speak his or her piece. We consider it our duty to allow the President access to The Murphy Report." 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

6

L ike a hound pointing to its game, the Spring Breaker followed his boner to his condo with the blond co-ed in tow. She had stepped up to the beer bong thrice and could barely walk. He led her into his room and stripped her of her thong as if he were peeling a banana. He was soon straddling her when he stopped an inch short of entering her shaved pussy. "I must confess something," he said. "What?" she slurred. "I have tested positive for HIV." "Have you tested positive for Coronavirus?" she asked. "No." "Then let's fuck, cowboy!!!" 
Read more

5

I was standing at the bar at Cobbleheads when I saw owner Joe Kenney walking past. I grabbed him by the bicep. "Pretty flabby for a guy from Phillly," I said. "Fuck you, Sully," snapped Joe before continuing with that goofy accent. "What do you want?" "I didn't get a chance to wish you Happy St. Patrick's Day! I'd pinch you on the butt since you're not wearing green, but you have a lousy lookin' ass. Let's toast the San Patricio Battalion." "A bunch of filthy traitors," spat Joe. "General Scott should have hung all the bastards instead of branding the majority of them." "You were in the Herald saying that Mexico and the United States had special ties as a result of these Irishmen switching sides in a war that Abraham Lincoln criticized as imperialism run amok." "It's all about business," confessed Joe. "I can't express my true sentiments about those Benedict Arnolds. I h...
Read more

1

My patio faces east. In the early afternoon the sun has embarked on its ancient descent toward the west and I relax on my lawn chair in the shade. I breathe deeply. My lungs are clear. Coronavirus has me contemplating life from a variety of angles. I am led to believe that those who suffer death from the disease suffocate. That doesn't sound like a pleasant exit to me. As a result of this grim reality, I have quit smoking dope. I don't want to weaken my lungs any more than 55 years of puffing on joints has wreaked on them. I have been retired for three years from the BISD after the superintendent threatened to fire me if I kept writing. I chose to keep writing. It is my spiritual calling. I had contributed 39 years to the school district and I was working for free. Retirement was a logical option. I don't miss the job, but I do miss my students, athletes and colleagues. I liken my present existence to floating down a lazy Hill Country river in an inner tube. Little did I kn...
Read more